Still Awake (A cautionary tale)

So I sit here awake at almost 1 am. I need to be up at 6:30 for a doctors appointment and then to get to work.  Why are you still up, you ask?  Because I am silly and competitive. I didn't have much time for a workout today so after dinner and homework and such I decided to get some planks and pushups in.  I went to my favorite fitness social media site, Fitocracy.com, to enter my workout for the day and found I had been bumped down a couple spaces in the push-up challenge.  Well we can't have that now can we? I should have let it go.  So I figure out how many more I need to do and go on my way.  I enter in my new points and see that I'm still not back where I should be.  Undaunted I keep going.  Still not there. Now I know something is wrong.  I realize that this must mean the the person I can not pass is also logging pushups as he goes. The nerve of some peoples kids. I "followed" (similar to twitter) the gentlemen and kindly asked that he stop doing push up so that I could go to bed.  To my surprise he obliged although it was not nearly as late for him in some other timezone.

(Takes a sip of Sleepy Time tea)

So now I sit here having done two hundred some pushups and four minutes of planks.  My triceps are unhappy with me.  However the other thing I now remember is that when you push yourself you open up adrenal glands and get extra energy.  It is commonly recommended that you do not work less than 4 hours before you plan to go to sleep.  I have now taken a long hot shower and am sipping some tea trying to relax enough to go back to bed and try to find elusive sleep once more.

Goodnight humanity. Please remember sleep is just as important if not more important than any exercise you do.  It is when your body does it's best recovery and repair and it doesn't matter how many pushups you do if your not sleeping you won't get any better at it. (-sigh- sips tea again)

/Actuator/

Stupid Health People (A Rant)

Been reading a lot about health and fitness recently and I find the best information comes from individuals.  As soon as you put multiple people together and ask them to decide on something it all falls apart.  The funny thing is that all the individuals seem to agree with each other as long as you never ask them to admit to that.  But when it becomes a group or a coalition or a wellness center or some other collection of minds somehow not only do they not agree with the individuals but they do not agree with other groups.  I'm reminded of a saying I have seen on T-shirts, bumper stickers, and demotivational posters; "None of us alone are as dumb as all of us together."  There are variations but you get the idea.  The concept that as soon as people try to work together there needs to be a social system and a political system and hierarchy and everyone needs to put in there 2 cents.  With all the systems and processes hardly anything gets done after the easy ideas have been achieved. But worse that that is the idea that everyone must contribute something.  So that when things do get done it wasn't by the guy that came up with the ingenious fully formed concept.  It has been broken down and butchered and twisted until it's originator doesn't even recognize it anymore.

Lets get to what sparked this whole rant in the first place.  I've been researching a lot health topics recently and I started reading one about digestive health and it's relation to gas and bloating.  It started with a lot of good information the bacteria in your colon and the role they play in breaking down sugar and fiber that could not be broken down before. Wonderful.  Then we get to the part where they had to make some ridiculous claim.






"Vitamin dosages are critical in today's world since it's literally impossible to get the daily nutrients we need from the over processed food we eat every day"




Really now?  Define need please.  Need to survive? Well that can't be true because there are plenty of people living without it.  Need for the long term continued survival of the race? Need to fly? Okay that one I'll buy. All the people I know have eaten processed foods at some point and none of them can fly.  That word need that they all use aggravates me to no end.  I would even be slightly less irritated if they were trying to sell me something, but this particular site is not.  Then what do I need it for?  To enjoy my life?  I didn't even know I needed it five minutes ago.  The biggest irritation of all though is the fact that it never mentions what non-processed foods you can eat that will get you the vitamins you need to that you don't have to take supplements that they are suggesting.  This is of course assuming that the comment was aimed only at the processed foods being insufficient.  If the suggestion is that all food is insufficient that I want to know where the vitamins came from back in the day.  I'm picturing something like this

God: "Noah feed eat these each day and you will live well"
Noah: "What are they my Lord?"
God: "Oh I'm going to call them Fintstones.  Funny fictional family, kids are going to love them"
Noah: "Yes my Lord but what is this?" points at small yellow character
God: "That's Fred's best friend Barny.  He's my favorite because he so cheerful and lighthearted"
Noah: Opens mouth then closes it again. Long silence then "Yes lord"

-END RANT-

/Actuator/

Crazy Abs (not in a good way)

I have heard a lot of interesting stories around abs, who has them, how to get them, even how to fake them.  Thought I would share some of the crazy some of the serious and some of my theories.

So let's start with the truly crazy:
Implants: Yes skip the work outs, skip the gym, and the healthy food. Don't worry they can make it look real with abdominal implants under your skin.  That's right 30 minute abs just got real. If I know you and you just considered this don't tell me.

I only have a few issues. This requires you to be put under which means you might not wake up. Yes I know how often this is done and how it hardly ever happens but why take the chance when it's not life threatening? Next, if you don't have definition already or if you gain weight this is going to look horrible. I personally think plastic surgery should be saved for burn victims and people born with deformities.  Large breasts attract my attention, I'd be lying if I said otherwise, however as soon as I even think the they are fake I'm not interested.  If you are crazy enough to try this you probably would like to know that just about all muscles can be implanted so you look like this guy.  But in all seriousness if you decide to get these please rearrange them into a smiley face and send me the picture.


Etching: Ok I hate to admit this but this option gives me pause.  Personally I could never do it but...... well you decide.  Etching is another form of surgery.  From the limited research I have done the concept is a form of selective liposuction that targets the fat pockets around the abdominal muscles. This is for those people that work at the gym 3 hrs a day and eat right and still can not quite get that definition.  For sustained results you have to continue to go to the gym.  While I still personally disagree, I have less of an issue because these people still have to put in the effort.  If you have never done a sit up, or leg raise, or side bend then it doesn't matter how much fat they take off you still won't have anything to show for it.  That being said I still consider this unnatural and could never do it personally.

Abs in a Box:  I really shouldn't be surprised by this one but really?  Have you ever seen the far side comic with the guy that has ab definition tattooed on.  I was really hoping to find a picture of that.  Please send me the link if you find one but I found this instead.  Damn near the same thing Abs in a Box is a semi-permanent stain that you put on to give the impression of curves in the right places.  I also think this is stupid but can you imagine the people that buy this thinking they have a true quick fix?  Honestly unless you are a makeup artist the possibilities for screwing this up are endless.  And, because it "works so well" it's water resistant.  So if you get carried away and paint the Mona Lisa on your gut, it's going to be there for a while.  I do see how this would work for super models and makeup at photo shoots.  As a matter of fact it makes me feel ever so slightly better about myself know that these "perfect people" have help. My last comment on this, dumbest tagline ever. "Paint away Flab" then they show women that are already super skinny and just add definition.  if you have any flab this isn't going to work.

I don't know if it makes me feel better our worse that these things are actually available out there.  Better that I am willing to actually work to get abs or worse about humanity that people think this is a viable alternative.  None of these things will make you stronger or healthier and without serious effort none of these things will make you look better.  Save the thousands of dollars you were going to spend on surgery and buy a gym membership and start eating better.

/Actuator/

Stupid words

Finance;

So the other night I'm working on my finance homework and I'm just not getting how to calculate a ratio.  If you know finance the naming scheme for ratios is a little off.

For instance the calculation for Liabilities to Assets Ratio is (Total Liabilities/Total Assets) makes sense right.

Next Long-Term Debt Ratio is (Long-Term Debt/Total Assets) hmmmm ok well probably would have been easier to remember if they had included 'to Assets' in there but ok I can deal with this.

Then here comes Debt-Equity Ratio. You know something is wrong right away because its not Debt to Equity ratio and its not Debt ratio so they changed the naming scheme once again but this should still be simple enough right? just a normal (Total Debt/Shareholder Equity) right?  Well first of all there is no 'Total Debt' line on any sheet so you would have to add together current portion of long term debt and long term debt and possibly Accounts Payable because that could be considered debt.  Hence my confusion.  Come to find out the when making this calculation you are supposed to use Long-Term Debt.........Why?  Why couldn't you just be consistent with ratio names.  It's not like you had to save room on the sheet.  There were no character limits when this stuff was written and it's not like it was taking up more space than the "Cash flow from Operations to Current Liabilities Ratio so WTF.  Honestly how many people got to vote on the names and was their a convention on each name and did they look at the names they had already put on the financial statements used to make these ratios? 

I think it went some thing like this:
(Dave the accountant): Hey John we need to name these ratios but I need to embezzle from Big Corporate shmucks in an hour so we need to divide the work.  Split it with me.

(John the accountant): Once I sober up from drinking on the job I need to go home and beat my wife so we need more help.

(Dave): You lie sir you haven't had a drink all day.

(John): nope been dropping acid and that baloon of coke that exploded in my anus yesterday still has me going.

(Dave): Where did you get the drugs?

(John): Bob in Payroll [yes accountants have payroll departments] he's so burnt out he gives them to me for free and ups my pay every time I bring Taco Bell.

(Dave): can he help?

(John): Guess so.
HEY BOB!!

(Bob the burnt out Junkie):  I LIKE BUNNIES!!!!!

(Dave): Nice.  We'll have this done in no time.
John crap me a line of coke.  I need a pick me up before my next meeting.